I recently let my Patreon patrons vote which Passages photo I’m going to work on next, and they overwhelmingly chose the theme of “heartbreak”. Even though I set heartbreak as one of the options, I was still very nervous when that theme won the poll. It’s a daunting theme!

 

But the point of Passages isn’t just to make pretty pictures. As the sort of autobiographical series I am hoping it will be, it’s also meant to represent ALL of my experiences, both good and bad. However, apart from being a daunting theme to work with, I also have the challenge of being in a really great place lately, and so I feel like it’ll be hard for me to do the theme of “heartbreak” justice.

 

As I thought about how I would set up this photo, I felt like I was now too far removed from the experience to be able to do the photo justice. And so I thought I would do some research and pull out my old journals.

 

 

Several years ago, I had an experience that really fit (and inspired) this theme and as I was going through this experience, I kept a journal. I figured this would be the best place to start remembering what it felt like to experience heartbreak. As I started reading, I at first felt SO bad for little Madeline. She seemed so sad and SO lost. But as I continued my “research”, I started to feel really proud of her. Younger me had always known there was a reason for going through the particular trial, and she knew it would make me a better person.

 

To be honest, this was probably the first time I’ve gone back and read my old journal entries and I’m both glad I did and glad I actually wrote those entries in the first place. As I said earlier, I had forgotten what it felt like to be in the middle of the mess and I almost forgot how much I was actually hurting at the time. But reading about it now, when life is really great, has built my testimony of the blessings that come from trials.

 

 

If I had known then what it felt like to be this happy, and had known that this was all a possibility because of the trial I was facing, it would have given me even greater faith to keep taking the next step forward. So I hope that the next time I’m in the middle of the mire, when life just sucks… I can write about it. And by writing about it, I can remember that there are always better days ahead.

 

While I’ve always thought I was keeping a journal for my kids, I’m beginning to realize that it’s also for me. So that I will never forget what it was like to live this life and to experience everything it offered me.