Curating your dream life.

It’s a phrase we’ve heard pretty frequently (especially since the advent of Instagram and the curated feed). But what does curating your dream life really mean? In my opinion, it’s not getting rid of anything that’s not “perfect” in favor of only having the most beautiful things in your life. Instead, I think curating your “dream life” really means having an “outside looking in” perspective.

I think about the things I wanted so badly five to ten years ago. Seven years ago, I was planning a big move across the country to Boston. I had big goals, like going full time with my art, finding a partner that truly loved me, and owning a home I could fill with everything that made me happy. I had been struggling to do those things in Arkansas, so I was convinced I would find it all in the big city. I spent the next three years doing everything I could to make those dreams a reality:

  • I woke up at 5 am almost every morning and stayed up late after work, devoting all that time to creating a business around my art (essentially working two 9 – 5s)
  • I went to far more social engagements than my introverted heart was truly comfortable going to, trying to find that dream boat guy
  • In the precious little free time I did have, I thrifted items for my rented apartment, fixing them up and decorating as much as my budget and rental agreement would allow. I wanted that picture-perfect home, even if I didn’t own it

 

While all those efforts weren’t exactly wasted or not worth the time, I definitely fell short of all of those goals. The most I ever made in one year from my art was $3,000. I went on six first dates and a solitary second date. In three years. And as cute as my apartment looked, it was just that: an apartment I didn’t own.

So what does all this have to do with curating my dream life? Well…if you fast forward to 2022, I’ve actually achieved each of those goals. In 2018, I gave up on Boston and moved back to Arkansas, where, in pretty quick succession, I bought a house and met Hoki (my husband). After a couple years, we found ourselves in a financial position to allow me to quite my job and go full time with my art. I’m still not making a full-time salary, but every day I get closer. And yet, I have newer, bigger goals that I focus on. As a result, there are still days where I often get caught up in the frustrations that I’m never going to have my “dream life.”

 

Needless to say, 2015 Madeline would be absolutely flabbergasted that I don’t wake up every morning with a grateful heart and a smile a mile wide on my face at everything I do have right now. It is so easy to live in a constant “when I have this” perspective.

This realization has helped me understand that curating your dream life, therefore, isn’t so much about achieving goals, but instead is looking at your life the same way your five-year-older self would. Curating my dream life is asking myself “what would 2017-Madeline think?” and recognizing just how far I have come. 2017-Madeline would cry tears of joy, knowing that all those sucky days and endless hours were… well maybe not worth it… but they did lead her here, where she tried so hard to be.

 

Now, having said this, I have learned to never tell someone “it will happen if you just work hard enough” or “just have faith” to someone who is in the middle of the mire. I know how unhelpful and, honestly, hurtful that can feel, especially coming from someone who does have what you want. I recognize that to many people, I am that person. I do have a life that many people would love to have. And I am humbled by that. So I will just end with saying that if you ever need to vent, I am here. I know what it’s like to feel so stuck and unhappy with your life and that no suggestion or advice will ever really heal that hole in your heart. But I can offer a listening ear, a shoulder to help carry the load, or (if needed) a distraction from the frustration.