Having only been in my house eight months now, each new season has been absolutely delightful to experience. I’ve found myself wanting to document each time of year meticulously with the perfect photograph. So when someone came half-way through spring and mowed down all the beautiful Queen Anne’s Lace that had begun dotting the field across from my house (ruining any chances of my capturing how beautiful it had been), I was upset.

 

And for some strange reason… I found that I was also really angry. At myself.

 

 

I was in the middle of designing what was going to be the perfect costume for my photo in that field. But as all projects go between traveling, work, and life in general, the dress took me quite a bit longer to finish than I had anticipated. And so when the man arrived with his tractor to unintentionally ruin my fairytale setting, all I could do was stare at my half completed dress, fuming at myself for being so lazy.

 

In my mind, I had had PLENTY of time to get the dress done. It had been over a month since I had started it. And to add more fuel to my fire, this dress wasn’t the first time in the last few months that I hadn’t finished a project quickly enough. The truth is, and perhaps the real reason for my anger, was that I just hadn’t felt motivated to work on anything lately and nothing was getting done.

 

Compared to how much I worked my butt off when I lived in Boston, the pace at which I’d been completing projects was laughable. And I HATED that.

 

 

Later that evening, I expressed to Hoki how frustrated I was about the situation. And as I did so, I realized that I should be more forgiving of myself. Because what I wasn’t letting myself consider in all of this is that there are seasons to life, and this spring and summer just needed to be seasons of slowing down. The pace at which I had been working in Boston was not something I could keep up forever. And I can see that now.

 

Since that realization, I’ve also been able to see that not working on all my projects every free second of every single day, giving myself a chance to finally breathe, has allowed me time I didn’t have before to reevaluate what it is I love to do and how I actually want to do it.

 

I don’t want to create just for the sake of creating, because I don’t want to be busy just for the sake of being busy. “Being busy” is not a badge of honor. I don’t want to go without enough sleep for weeks on end just for the sake of a photo that will only ever exist as a forgotten post on my social media feed. And I certainly don’t want to say no to spending time with my family so that I can have the perfect blog post or the most “aesthetically pleasing”  Instagram feed.

 

 

I want to live in the moment. I want to sew when I feel like sewing, write when I feel like writing, and be out in the garden when I feel like getting really, really sweaty and dirty. I want to go to the movies with my family for $5 movie night, cook a really good dinner after work, and see my friends on the weekend. And most importantly, I want to tell my story. And I want to tell that story when I really feel it in my heart. Because when I create because I want to, and not because I have to, that is when the real creativity actually happens.

 

So I think I’m beginning to learn my lesson. Rather than beating myself up about a missed opportunity, I am starting to understand that it is good to slow down and to enjoy life as it comes. To recognize that there is a season and a time for everything and these seasons are the most beautiful when I allow them to come naturally.

 

I did finally shoot in the field across from my house, and while the Queen Anne’s lace were gone for the season, they’ll make their reappearance in my valley one day. And when they do, I’ll be ready. To either create… or not create, as my heart and the seasons dictate.